Overcoming negative thoughts

For those of us whose lives seemingly consist of one crisis after another, it's easy to fall into the nasty habit of negative thinking. My religious teachings tell me to "take every thought captive," and I take that instruction very seriously. But it's easier said than done. That's why I constantly remind myself to not be distracted by what's in front of me.

I had to really push myself to write today's earlier post. I shoved aside all unproductive thoughts, such as:

• No one will care.
• Stop whining.
• Pull yourself together.
• You're a failure.
  

You get the point, I think. It was important that I write the post, if only for myself. There was something very "freeing" about getting my feelings out of my head and onto a page.

Shortly after that post appeared, I received a comment from Sidhusaaheb. Surprise! A few minutes later, my daughter told me that she had a new job. Good news!

My daughter and I have been in similar circumstances. She has been on her current job for two years and is one of the most skilled employees in her field. However, after the new year, her hours were cut drastically. Employees with less seniority and fewer skills were getting more hours.

As a result, both of us have been in an active job search. I prayed that God would bless my daughter with a new position. That prayer has been answered! As I wrote earlier, I believe my own breakthrough - my "get out of jail card" - is near. The fact that my daughter has an opportunity for a fresh start gives me hope.

Never give up. There is a God!

Tags: naomi-usa, the journey to naomi

What a difference a year makes

It's been over a year since I posted here. In my last entry, I wrote that things were changing for the better, and then I dropped off the face of the earth. I started a lot of posts, but I never finished them. I'm determined to get this one up, no matter what.

A lot has transpired in the last year, especially job-wise. I worked very hard in my education position. The organization is very dysfunctional. Power-plays at all levels were underway - mostly because there were many changes in leadership.

I achieved a lot, but it came at a price. Colleagues were jealous, so they sabotaged my work. I received a great performance review, but my boss was canned. A new boss came on board and within a couple of months placed me on probation for poor performance. It just came out of the blue. No warning.

My job is a place where the Peter Principle thrives. Mediocrity is alive and well. Nevertheless, I continued to give the organization my best work. I tie all of my work back to God and the students.

Don't get me wrong. I respect authority. However, it's tough working in an environment where personal agendas reign supreme. Factor in the fact that a couple of colleagues are paranoid, passive aggressive, and kiss-ups to anyone who they perceive is in control. They are also you-know-what disturbers. I made the most out of each workday, but going to work just wasn't much fun.

Cutting to the chase: I'm now laid off, and I'm looking for another job. My daughter panicked at first because she thought we'd be homeless again. I have no intention of letting that happen. Still, the economy makes job-hunting a challenge. I've had a nasty bout with clinical depression.
Simply put, I have moments when I feel like I'm a failure. I've withdrawn socially. I know that's not good, but I feel I need some time to pull myself back together.

Despite all this, I try to look beyond what's in front of me. I also try not to lose sight of the good things that are happening.

My daughter is still in college, and she's doing well. My grandson is now three. Actually, he's three going on 30. He's taller than a lot of four-year olds. It's amazing how much he comprehends - how well he talks for his age. I can actually have conversations with him. He's my buddy. He's also a ham - incredibly funny. That comes in handy on days when the emotional pain is excruciating.

I don't believe God has brought me through a lot of changes, just to let me self-destruct now. Because I feel so miserable, I believe a breakthrough is about to happen. I just have to hang in there and be thankful for what I have.

The one thing that's constant in life is change. Now that's something positive. Happy new year.

Tags: naomi-usa, the journey to naomi

Coming out of the desert

To update you on our family's situation: We finally have another home! We are scheduled to move into an apartment on March 1. My daughter and my grandson just celebrated birthdays. My grandson just turned two. He is such a robust, busy, and chatty child. :-) Most importantly, he is happy.

I'm still working in education. After months of low pay, I moved into a higher-paying interim position with more pay. It came with a lot more responsibility, long hours, and high stress. My employer finally dropped the interim status. I'm still doing the work of the three people who left the department several months ago, but I'm surviving.

Yes, I have my days of frustration, but I never forget how thankful I am to be working. My daughter is in college full-time and working part-time. She is the one who found us a place. Two days ago, she informed me that she bought us living room furniture out of her earnings. We had to leave a lot of our furniture behind when we lost our last home.

I will finally be able to be reunited with my daughter. I can finally liberate her from the situation that she is living in. My grandson's babysitter is now dating my grandson's paternal grandfather - the man who thew my daughter and the baby out of his home shortly after inviting my daughter and the baby into his home. The sitter, who is also a family friend, knew the circumstances under which my kids came to her. I have been paying room and board for the kids since they've been there. This is separate from what she gets paid for childcare.

I will always appreciate that this woman allowed my kids to board with her. However, it's too bad that she doesn't understand that she has humiliated my daughter and betrayed my family.

Once we are settled into our own place, our next move is to find another childcare provider.

Never give up hope. God is good!


tag: journey to naomi

Easing back into

the blogosphere



I feel as if I've been away from family! I'm looking forward to reestablishing contact with my blogging buddies, find out how each of you are doing and visiting your sites. You have no idea how much I have missed you!

For this post, my mood is reflective. I have been listening to recording artist Joss Stone. She's awesome! A song on her current album really touches my soul. I listen to it every chance I get - Bruised But Not Broken. The lyrics are by Diane Warren.

My love for this song has nothing to do with being lovelorn over some guy. It does reflect my philosophy on coping when the going gets tough.

Bruised But Not Broken

Been a lot that I’ve been through
I’ve cried a tear a time or two,
Baby, you I cried some over you, yeah
Had my heart kicked to the ground
Love ripped me up and tore me down, baby
But that ain’t enough to break me
‘Cause I’ll rise above it
And I’ll pick myself up
And I’ll dust the pain off, off my heart

[Chorus]

And I’ll be all right, and I’ll love again
And the wounds will mend
I’m bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I’ll get back on my feet
It’s not the end of me
My heart is still open
I’m bruised by not broken

Been a lot of tear-stained nights
I thought the tears were here for life, baby
The hurt came on and held on tight
I took a chance, I took a fall
Love broke my heart and shattered all my dreams
But I won’t be down on my knees
‘Cause I’ll rise above it
And I’ll pick myself up
And I’ll shake the rain out of my heart

[Chorus]

And I’ll be all right, and I’ll love again
And the wounds will mend
I’m bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade,
I’ll get back on my feet
It’s not the end of me
My heart is still open
I’m bruised but not broken

Gonna pick my heart up
Take my life back, shake the hurt away
Pull myself together, put the pieces back in place
See I’ve learned love’s so hard
Love left my soul scarred, was shattered inside
It’s out me, baby

[Chorus]

And I’ll be all right, and I’ll love again
And the wounds will mend
I’m bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I’ll get back on my feet
It’s not the end of me
My heart is still open
I’m bruised but not broken

And I’ll be all right, and I’ll love again
And the wounds will mend
I’m bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I’ll get back on my feet
It’s not the end of me, baby
My heart is still open
I’m bruised but not broken,
Bruised but not broken
Bruised but not … but not broken, ooh

To listen to Bruised But Not Broken, click here.
Are you familiar with the work of singer Joss Stone?


tags: challenges, coping, music, joss stone, perseverance, naomi-usa, journey to naomi

Let's talk about love (encore)

I just enjoyed reading an earlier post. Just click on the header. Perhaps you will enjoy this as much as I.

As the stomach turns

Many of you have wondered where I've been have left me inspiring messages and notes of support. Your caring is very much appreciated. My computer monitor recently died, which limits my online access. But that's just a tiny thing compared to my ongoing family concerns.

This weekend I comforted a daughter in tears over our unstable living arrangements and finances. And my son, with whom I still live, emailed me the following:

Mom,

We need to set aside some time in the near future to talk. I was going to chat w/ you last night, but by the time you got back, I was tired and ready to get in the bed. But the issue at hand, of course, is our current living situation. I've talked to people about it and prayed about it as much as I can, but we're now coming to a point where I think there has to be a change. It's nothing against you personally or anything that you've done, but I'm just unable to function constructively or socially without having my personal space and time. And I'm not talking an hour here or there, I mean overall. Whenever you first came to stay, I realize that it was because of necessity, but it was also meant to be temporary. After eight or so months, I can't see an end in sight and unfortunately i really can't continue as is for much longer.

I know that things are difficult, but for my sanity's sake, over the next few weeks I think it's essential that you start making alternative arrangements as far as a place to stay. I'll help in whatever way I can, but since I had to replace my car, my extra money is now gone. I was planning on helping you out on a monthly basis whenever you got your own place, but now those funds have gone into the truck, taxes, etc.

So I don't know whether you can find an actual permanent place within that time span or if you can find a friend or relative who would be willing to house you for a few months until you can get everything in order. I'm not trying to "put you out" but I'm at a point where I need to get my place in order and get my life in order and I'm unable to do that until I have a peace of mind at home. Right now I'm beginning to enter into a depression over this situation and I can't allow that to go any further. I'm sure this isn't the most "convenient" time to begin looking for another place, but there's really never a convenient time for a conversation about this. But I've been putting it off for a few weeks, but have realized that it really is time to put certain things in motion. So hopefully this isn't upsetting. If you want me to talk to anybody, let me know.

I probably won't be home until late tonight, so we might not be able to discuss further in person until tomorrow. But hopefully you understand.


Love,
Your Son

My son is a very loving, generous young man. No mother wants her child to be distressed. My son didn't have to write me to tell me that he was depressed. I could already feel it. And it makes me sad.

I hope that my daughter, grandson and I will have a place to call home soon. Our homelessness could have been avoided if my brother, who thinks he owns the "family house" (my parents' house) would move aside so that I could move in. My brother lives at the house part-time for political reasons. My brother has his own home, where he lives with his family.

My parents' names are on the deed to the house, not my brother's. My dad lives elsewhere. My mother is dead. My brother simply is blocking my moving into the home because he thinks he can. Up to now, my dad has allowed my brother to get away with it. But my father is finally seeing the light.

My blood pressure is high, and I've been experiencing severe stomach distress for weeks. My job responsibilities have changed, and our school district is about to be taken over by the state.

I'm not stressing out about my job. Despite the political and emotional turmoil students, parents and staff are experiencing, I am enjoying my new assignment because I feel that I am making a difference. I was asked to be a part of the transition team. It's hard work, but I like challenges.

Back to my personal life: I still find opportunities to smile. Today my grandmother (my mother's mother) celebrates her 96th birthday. Grandmother's body may be weak, but her memory is still good. And she still charms everyone she meets. That is a blessing!

tags: naomi-usa, journey to naomi

A salute to spring

To walks
To strolling
To kicking rocks across the street
To holding hands
To silly jokes
To laughter for no particular reason

To incredibly blue skies
To astoundingly white clouds

To nights so black
To stars so twinkly
To the man in the moon smiling down

To clearing a patch and planting seeds
To tomatoes free from tomato rot

To rainy days
To stormy nights
To cold mornings

To hot coffee
To bologna sandwiches
To chocolate chip cookies

To happiness
To Spring

- Unknown -

tags: spring, inspiration, naomi-usa, journey to naomi