Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Overcoming negative thoughts

For those of us whose lives seemingly consist of one crisis after another, it's easy to fall into the nasty habit of negative thinking. My religious teachings tell me to "take every thought captive," and I take that instruction very seriously. But it's easier said than done. That's why I constantly remind myself to not be distracted by what's in front of me.

I had to really push myself to write today's earlier post. I shoved aside all unproductive thoughts, such as:

  • No one will care.
  • Stop whining.
  • Pull yourself together.
  • You're a failure.

You get the point, I think. It was important that I write the post, if only for myself. There was something very "freeing" about getting my feelings out of my head and onto a page.

Shortly after that post appeared, I received a comment from Sidhusaaheb. Surprise! A few minutes later, my daughter told me that she had a new job. Good news!

My daughter and I have been in similar circumstances. She has been on her current job for two years and is one of the most skilled employees in her field. However, after the new year, her hours were cut drastically. Employees with less seniority and fewer skills were getting more hours.

As a result, both of us have been in an active job search. I prayed that God would bless my daughter with a new position. That prayer has been answered! As I wrote earlier, I believe my own breakthrough - my "get out of jail card" - is near. The fact that my daughter has an opportunity for a fresh start gives me hope.

Never give up. There is a God!

Tags: ,

What a difference a year makes

It's been over a year since I posted here. In my last entry, I wrote that things were changing for the better, and then I dropped off the face of the earth. I started a lot of posts, but I never finished them. I'm determined to get this one up, no matter what.

A lot has transpired in the last year, especially job-wise. I worked very hard in my education position. The organization is very dysfunctional. Power-plays at all levels were underway - mostly because there were many changes in leadership.

I achieved a lot, but it came at a price. Colleagues were jealous, so they sabotaged my work. I received a great performance review, but my boss was canned. A new boss came on board and within a couple of months placed me on probation for poor performance. It just came out of the blue. No warning.

My job is a place where the Peter Principle thrives. Mediocrity is alive and well. Nevertheless, I continued to give the organization my best work. I tie all of my work back to God and the students.

Don't get me wrong. I respect authority. However, it's tough working in an environment where personal agendas reign supreme. Factor in the fact that a couple of colleagues are paranoid, passive aggressive, and kiss-ups to anyone who they perceive is in control. They are also you-know-what disturbers. I made the most out of each workday, but going to work just wasn't much fun.

Cutting to the chase: I'm now laid off, and I'm looking for another job. My daughter panicked at first because she thought we'd be homeless again. I have no intention of letting that happen. Still, the economy makes job-hunting a challenge. I've had a nasty bout with clinical depression.
Simply put, I have moments when I feel like I'm a failure. I've withdrawn socially. I know that's not good, but I feel I need some time to pull myself back together.

Despite all this, I try to look beyond what's in front of me. I also try not to lose sight of the good things that are happening.

My daughter is still in college, and she's doing well. My grandson is now three. Actually, he's three going on 30. He's taller than a lot of four-year olds. It's amazing how much he comprehends - how well he talks for his age. I can actually have conversations with him. He's my buddy. He's also a ham - incredibly funny. That comes in handy on days when the emotional pain is excruciating.

I don't believe God has brought me through a lot of changes, just to let me self-destruct now. Because I feel so miserable, I believe a breakthrough is about to happen. I just have to hang in there and be thankful for what I have.

The one thing that's constant in life is change. Now that's something positive. Happy new year.

Tags: ,